Uh oh!

Ok, so my last day of group therapy was Tuesday. While I was in group, Joe sent me a text message saying that we don't qualify for refinancing on the house. So of course, I break down and start crying. Clearly, I'm not ready to leave group therapy, but insurance says otherwise. So I left group that day, and received lots of hugs and support from most of the folks.

Since then, I've been having a terrible time. I break down at the drop of a hat. This is so not good. I've even felt suicidal at times. The last thing I need is to go back to the hospital right now. I'm supposed to be getting better. I take my medication as directed. I just wish I had some direction to move. I don't know where I'll be living in three months. I wish I could just get this divorce and bankruptcy over and done with. I don't feel like I can work right now, that would push me over the edge.

I'm starting to think Joe should take the kids. I just can't handle the stress of them anymore. I know this is a shitty thing for a mother to say, but I just don't think I can get well with them around. I'm too messed up in the head to be responsible for them. This makes me sad, but its for the best.

I am a failure as a mother, a failure as a wife and a failure in life for that matter. I should be locked up and sent away never to be seen from again. I hate myself!