Welcome!! The First Day of Spring!

Finally, spring has arrived. This is an encouraging time of year for me, since spring signifies a new beginning. This is clearly something I need, a new beginning. It's been a long time coming.

March has not been a good month for me. It started off with a seven day hospital stay for suicidal ideation. This is the third time I've been hospitalized in just over a year. Obviously, the medications are not working. I must take part of the blame for my lack of recovery. I should have been following up hospitalization with therapy. I obviously thought I could recover with out group or private therapy, I was wrong.

This time, I started group therapy the week after I was released from the hospital. Group therapy has its ups and downs, but overall, I think it is helpful. A good thing about therapy is that I get to see how much better off I am than a lot of these people. I mean, some of these poor folks probably have very little hope for recovery. The bad part of this is that it falsely made me feel like I was okay. I'm not okay. I am still seriously depressed, full of anxiety, and suicidal at the drop of a hat. I've told the psychiatrist and therapists, they say I haven't been on my new meds long enough to make a change. I guess they are okay with me being suicidal? Weird.

Oh yeah, and I haven't paid my rent yet this month. I'm most likely going to be evicted any day now. Woohoo! It would have been paid, but Joe told me to go to California last month and "Don't worry about money, just have fun." In retrospect, I was wrong to assume that he meant he had the rent covered. Too late to worry about that now. At least I have Weeki Wachee to fall back on...except...how is Joey going to get to school every day? Where are Michelle and the baby going to stay for the next two months. Wahhh!

Well, spring has arrived, and spring is a time for hope. I will try my best to stay as positive as I can. Everyone keeps telling me, "this too shall pass." I hope so. As long as I can keep myself from being impulsive and swallowing a bottle full of ativan, I think I have a great chance for recovery.