Thursday, July 9, 2009

My job search

My job search is becoming more productive in the past few days. I had an interview with a home care company yesterday. It went well. They just have to check my references and then I should hear back from them. It would be the most awesome, perfect job for me. For backup, I have interviews at two hospitals next week. One of them being the hospital I worked at for seven years, and the interview is with my old manager. I'm very certain I would get hired there. So now, I might have to decide where to work for a change. I could do part time at both places until I know for sure that I like home care nursing. Now I'm being over confident. I better stop that.

I keep oversleeping this week. I've missed my group therapy two days this week due to over sleeping. That's not good, I really need to keep going. I have a lot of guilt inside for some of the choices I've made in the last couple of years. I feel like I've been a terrible mother. On one of my job applications, it asked if you've ever been investigated by the state for child abuse or neglect. Well yes, in Connecticut, DCS accused me of child neglect for not leaving my abusive husband. I tried to appeal it, but it still stands. So I suppose if someone does a background check, it will show a record of child neglect. It's pure bullshit really. I was trying to keep my family together during difficult times, I wasn't neglecting Christina.

When I finally did leave Joe, I took Christina and left the other two kids behind. So I feel guilty about leaving them behind, but I thought it was in their best interest to finish the school year. They had been moved around so much in the past few years. Now I feel bad that I left at all. I feel like I stole Michelle's senior year from her. She would have stayed in school and graduated with all her friends if I hadn't left. On the other hand, I would have still been neglecting Christina by not protecting her from her father. I guess it was a no win situation. No wonder I had a nervous breakdown.

Today Michelle is mad at me because I didn't go get flour for her to make gravy. She says she's not going to cook anymore. Now, I don't feel guilty for having her cook and I don't feel guilty about not getting flour. I was dressed for bed already and it was raining outside, and you don't have to have gravy. Grrrrrr! She doesn't go to school and she doesn't work, so no, I don't feel bad that she cooks all the time. She likes cooking and I don't anymore. She can do her part around the house, she is 18. I feel guilty enough about so much, but I'm not going to let this bother me.


  1. Good luck with your job prospects. Try not to judge yourself. I grew up with an abusive step father and I never hold it against my mom, at the time she was trying her best under very difficult circumstances. Kids are resilient and can understand. Keep your chin up Sharon.

  2. Glad the interview went well. Keep us posted. My stepfather abused me and my mother devlivered me to him for the abuse. Dont judge urself so harsh, sometimes it looks like no win/win but it still might be one. I wish my mother would have bothered and run with me. Please be kind to yourself, you have done what u thought best during that time. Hugs across the pond