This week I'm not alone. Christina is staying with me. We were supposed to get her driver's license, but it turned out that you need to schedule an appointment to take the road test. She'll have to wait until next Tuesday.
It's good for the two of us to spend some quality time together. I'm still not sure how I feel about the kids living with their father, but maybe I do need some time to myself to get my mind back in order. Time for just me, and only me. It certainly can't hurt. Or can it? Is it good to be alone? I don't plan on isolating myself, in fact, I was thinking of moving into the same apartment complex that my sister lives in.
I've also thought about living up in Weeki Wachee if I don't find a job in the next week or two. Now, way up there, I would be isolated from my family, but closer to some friends. Free room and board. Good Lord, I hate making decisions. I hate searching for employment too. Who ever knew if would be so difficult to find a nursing job? I guess thinks are tough all over.
Part of me wonders if I'm even ready to go back to work. Will I be able to handle the stress? My therapist and doctor seem to want me to work. I think it's more of a test to them, to see if I can handle the stress. I'll say one thing, all these job rejections aren't doing wonders for my low self esteem.
"If you don't like how you're feeling, then change how you're thinking." I've heard this quote so much lately, you'd think it would be ingrained into my brain by now. I've got to start thinking positively. Think of a positive reason for everything that happens, instead of being so negative all the time. Lets try it! I probably didn't get that Home Health Care job I've been wanting so badly. Positive swing: it's because there is an even more ideal job out there that I haven't found yet. How was that? Is it believable? Most importantly, I have to believe it. I'll keep trying.
turn, turn, turn - Thanks for all who commented and supported on my last post. I'm out of hospital after three weeks, and things are worse, if anything. No meds except Valiu...
5 years ago