Feeling fine, feeling really fine!

I can't remember exactly how long I've been out of the hospital. My guess is around three weeks. Enough time for the new antidepressant to have kicked in. I can't say that I've felt depressed at all for the past few weeks. I have my bad moments, when I break down, but not the constant "I can't go on anymore" feeling. At times, I even feel a little on the manic side. Perhaps it only feels like mania to me because I've felt SO depressed for SO long. It feels good to feel normal. That's not to say that all the problems in my life are solved, of course. I just feel like I can slowly start to deal with them now.

First on the list, is getting back to work. I called my nurse manager and asked her if she wanted me to come back. She said "yes, of course we want you back!" So I filled out the online application as instructed by her. I was soon contacted by the nursing recruiter. I explained the situation to him, and he said he would call my manager and get back with me. I called my manager and she said she would call the recruiter and get back with me. So far, NO ONE has gotten back to me. I'm getting a little bit impatient with them, so I filled out some online applications to a few home health care companies. I already have an interview this Thursday at 2:00. If HCA can't get their act together, I may just take this job instead. I've been wanting to make a change and this could be the perfect opportunity. As soon as I start working again, I think my self esteem will get much better. I am meant to be a nurse, it's who I am, part of my identity.

Working will make me self reliant once again. I don't like having to lean on Joe for support. Even if I do have his kids under my roof. Speaking of Joe, my therapist "ripped me a new one" for spending time with him over the weekend. She doesn't think I should spend any time with him at all. I do want my independence, but that doesn't mean we have to be enemies. I guess I told her that Michelle and I need time away from him, but that doesn't mean he's not welcome in my home at all. She even told me in front of the group, "I'm not having any more family meetings for you, since you won't comply with my advice." That's a bit rude! It almost makes me want to quit group. I won't though, I need to finish therapy to keep getting the medication. Next choice is whether I should stay with this current Psych doctor or go back to Dr Feldman. There always has to be a difficult choice to make. Grrrrr.