My Obsession

I'd be the first to admit that I'm addicted to the Internet. I probably have been for a long time. However, ever since I've fallen into this deep depression, I've had an even more troublesome addiction. I'm am obsessed with a particular website, or more precisely the owner of the website. What makes it worse, is that I haven't been working, giving me much too much time on my hands. Making my obsession even worse.

It started during the last semester of school, when Christina was taking German in class. We planned on going on the school trip to Germany. This sounded exciting to me, since I missed out of the trip to Italy with Michelle. So, I started exploring German websites, hoping to practice my three years of high school German. I found an interesting site, complete with 24 hour web cam. I started watching his web cam and watching his YouTube videos. He seems to have a very funny and quirky personality that I liked. I started reading his blogs, with the help of a translator. I even left several comments. I'm certain that my comments sounded silly to him since even with translator for help, its difficult to fully understand some of what is being said on the blog. I felt uncomfortable leaving comments on the blog for that reason, so I started following him on Twitter.

I left several messages for him there, but the only one that really seemed to get his attention was the one that said I was attracted to him. Well, I am attracted to him, but that wasn't my objective of talking to him. He asked my to join him on MSN, so we could chat there. He noticed that I had a web cam. "Let's try it" he said. Well, Joe's always telling me to try new things, so I tried it. I found out that I am much to insecure for web cam sex. I'm sure he was disappointed. Since then, whenever I have tried to talk to him, he treats me like a nagging exwife. Geez, all I really wanted was to talk to him about anything and everything. I think we have the same quirky personality. I think it would be fun to just talk to him. I'd love to just be pen pals and share fun stories with him. I guess he wants no part of that, sadly.

So anyway, now I'm obsessed with him. I can't get myself to stop visiting his website and watching him. Yes, I do find him attractive, but I really only want to talk to him. Now, he has me blocked so I can't leave messages to him. This really makes me sad, since I only wanted a friend. I guess I took the wrong approach, but how do I fix that now. He thinks I'm some mad stalker or something. I think it's too late. He seems to hate me now. I guess the intellegent thing to do, would be to move on. That's much easier said than done. Well, his website is one of the sites at the bottom of this blog. Check it out and see what you think.