Wednesday, April 8, 2009

I'm so confused

I am so confused right now. I don't know what direction to go. I know my life needs changes, but what? So many things are about to change anyway. Michelle and Marcus will be leaving in June. School is over in June. My lease for this overpriced apartment is up in June. So where should I move? Who should move in with me? Should I go to West Palm Beach with Joe? Should I stay here and be alone for the summer? My head is spinning.

Should I go back to work yet? Part of me wants to go back, but part of me is uncertain that I'm ready. I certainly need the income, but I don't want to push myself into a relapse of this depression. I am feeling much better in the last few weeks. I did have a breakdown in group yesterday. Camille was discussing how her husband has treated her for 36 years. Joelyn called in battered wife syndrome. Joe is no where near that evil, but he does have his fits of rage sometimes. It just makes me so unsure of what to do. I would like to stay together and work through things, but his anger scares me.

Michelle started having labor pains yesterday. This baby is coming soon. I can't wait to see him. I know I'm going to breakdown when Michelle leaves. I cry just thinking about it. She's just a baby herself to me. I am scared for her.

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